(More) Tardy for the party

Okay, where did we leave off? Oh that’s right, you’ve been oblivious to proper party etiquette, which you are working on now thanks to me, and you think I am the most brilliant person in the world.

#3: The early bird gets the worm and cheaper tickets!

There is a silent killer targeting events in Jacksonville… it’s called Lazyassopotomus and it’s slaying Jacksonville events left and right. This affliction is brought on by people waiting until the day of to buy tickets for an event. Guess what? There is a reason why events offer early ticket discounts. It’s not only to boost ticket sales, it also used to gauges interest in the event. Early ticket sales help to determine a general headcount for things like food and beverage. Sometimes if an event fizzles before it even happens due to low pre-sale, event organizers are forced to slash items from the budget. So all those fun little surprises that events often lack (ie: free booze) were probably cut due to a strike of Lazyassopotomus!

Tune in next time: same bat time, same bat channel! Tip #4: If you can’t say something nice… don’t say anything at all.

Tardy for the party cont.

Glad to see you stopped by again. Obviously you need to brush up on proper party etiquette or you think I’m a genius. Either way, I like the way you’re thinking.

#2: “Plus one” does not mean “bring your entire family.”

Free food or open bar does not constitute reasons for sucking the host dry. This isn’t revenge against Goldilocks; you don’t get to bring Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear to eat all the porridge. The only exception is when otherwise specified by the host or event organizer. Know your limits. If the event is a fundraiser, by all means buy tickets for the entire family including Grandpa and Grandma Bear… the more the merrier! However, if the event is closed to the public and you have been one of the few to receive an invite, don’t get overzealous and assume the invite was for you and the whole Bear clan. Chances are the event organizers have a certain number of expected attendees based on the guest list and throwing an extra 2-3 people in the mix might not jive with the plan, especially if other guests commit the same party foul.

Tune in tomorrow for tip #3: The early bird gets the worm and cheaper tickets!

Tardy for the party

Proper party etiquette and tips on becoming a model guest

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As Kim Zolciak, the chain-smoking-weave-tastic blonde of Real Housewives of Atlanta, once said “Don’t be tardy for the party… ooh oooh,” and she was oh so right, for once. Big Poppa? C’mon girl! What are you thinking? Nonetheless, after recently organizing an event, I realized: people need to brush up on their party etiquette skills. So I decided to strike back, if you will, in a deeply satiric blog post. I will cure guests of their naiveté, one party foul at a time!

All right, here it goes…

#1: Being “fashionably late” is not fashionable!

I move to rename this phrase to “Self-Important Syndrome.” Now, I’m not saying that everyone who is late to a party or event is self-important, just the chronically late or probably most annoying the excessively late. I understand sometimes issues arise that need to be addressed immediately, but please don’t show up to a four hour event at the end of hour three and expect catering to have saved you a generous smattering of heavy hors d’oeuvres and desserts. Basically what I’m saying is, don’t be upset at the event organizers or vendors because YOU missed out on all the good stuff. After all, you were the one who choose to come down with a case of Self-Important Syndrome.

Check back tomorrow for tip #2: “Plus one” does not mean “bring your entire family.”